I Let My Four Year Old Run Away From Home.

It was one of those days where I was doing everything right and everything wrong as a mom. I suppose that’s everyday since the day he was born. This day, the day I let my little boy learn a hard lesson, broke my heart.

I’m sure there are plenty of parents who think what I did was far too extreme. I’m certain there are many others who might praise my quick thinking. I know I’m still wrestling the events and the outcome and every time I see that photo I am still completely numb.

Basically, there was no pleasing this child from about noon on. When we decided to head out of the house on our lazy Saturday to try a new restaurant, he insisted the only reason we ought to be getting out of our PJs was if we were getting a new Lego set he wants. That didn’t happen.

Dinner was doable. He colored and ate and shied away from the servers who were trying to get his smile on. After, it was a back and forth battle of wills and his clear frustration that a five point harness didn’t allow him any freedom in the decisions.

By the time we pulled into the garage, he was telling me he just wanted to run away from our home. And, I might have brushed it off as the sass of a kid who still won’t put his own pants on, until I saw his eyes welling up and knew he was in a place of pain and true want.

The kind of want that hurts in every ounce of who you are.

So, I told him to head to his room and I’d be in to talk about his plan.

And then, I watched.

He had his Thomas bag in his hands in a matter of seconds. I watched as he dumped the contents and replaced them with toys he was selecting for reasons I’ll never comprehend.

It reminded me of all the times I just wanted to escape it all. All the times we look at our stuff and evaluate if something would be missed or won’t.

“I’m going to need food. Do we have any zip locks?”

Ouch.

I offered him an apple and a can of the soup he loves. He told me he’d need something to sleep on. He then said we could keep all his Legos and that Stitch wouldn’t fit in his bag so could I take care of him.